So, you say amplified your average Monday evening misbehavior last night, maybe over-participated in your own hi-jinx? You woke up holding the bottom half of a snapped pool cue in one hand and someone else's pointy boot in the other? Fret not, young dissipate, here’s what to do: stumble from your tangled, sweaty sheets at around three PM; mash the fragments of your shattered head together with your hands in a clumsy approximation of its original brainshape; avoid kicking over the ashtray; snap open a Coke; pour it over some Cheerios; slap this LP onto the old Panasonic and let the healing begin.
2. “Freedom Death Dance,” Eugene McDaniels, from Headless Heroes of the Apocalypse
Supposedly Nixon had Agnew call Atlantic Records to bury this album. Good thing it walks among us again. But if you’re still nursing that Tuesday hangover, you might want to give this one a pass, unless down-tempo fuzzy funk predictions of how, exactly, God will destroy the world based upon your sins can assuage your pervasive, unshakable feelings of self-loathing.
3. “Do It,” Van Morrison, from The Complete Bang Sessions
Van understands your limitations. He doesn’t ask for much. He just wants you to do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do your thing. Even if your “thing” consists of waggling your exposed genitalia at someone who offended you at the Chalet by kind of resembling this other guy (you) who decided to play Journey’s “Faithfully” three times in a row on the jukebox.
4. “Black Champagne,” Luna, from Romantica
I’m imagining Van the Man would not have extended his carte blanche so generously were he to suspect that “[my] thing” was anything that might involve this song playing in the background.
5. “This City,” Scout Niblett, from Kidnapped by Neptune
"This city" is, apparently, "handsome and huge" to Scout. This song is grating and unnerving to me. Come on, Ipod, throw me something funky.
6. “The Birds They Sing in You,” Ariel Pink’s Haunted Graffiti, from Lover Boy
Not exactly what I was hoping for, but soothing, at least—kind of like music I might listen to once I’m dead. We can put this song on a compilation entitled, “Music for Worms to Nibble Me By.”
7. “Race for the Prize,” the Flaming Lips, from The Soft Bulletin
Wow. I haven’t heard this album in, like, forever. I miss this version of the Flaming Lips. As opposed to the Flaming Lips Underground Bubble Rolling Plushie Circus Extravaganza version of them, of which, try as I might, I have grown a bit tired. I'm sorry. I just can't help it.
8. “Justice to the People,” Lee Perry and the Upsetters, from the Trojan Upsetters Box Set
The lyrics to this song are somewhat tough to decipher given the crying babies in the background and the lo-fi production quality, but with a decent set of headphones a lot of elbow grease I’ve managed to figure out that, for the most part, they refer to why it’d be a beautiful thing if all races could come together and fight to achieve justice. By the way, "justice" here loosely translates to “the bloody destruction of any and all white boys who have ever, currently do, or plan to sport dreadlocks.”
9. “Ding-Dong,” Surapon, from Thai Beat A Go-Go, Vol. 2
In a past life, I was a poorly closeted lounge singer and panderer at a smoky, disreputable GI bar in Saigon. I wore an ill-fitting wig and garishly colorful suits and I smiled a lot at men I hated. This fact goes a long way toward explaining many aspects of my current life that some might find puzzling. For example, nothing goes further toward illuminating this song's mysterious presence on my Ipod.
10. “Suspicious Minds,” Elvis, live!
Ah, we've come full circle here, back to the dulcet sounds of bloat and dissolution--this time all wrapped up in a white leather box and bedazzled with a rhinestone eagle. Oh, Elvis--I think I love YOU too much, baby.