Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Junk Jackson, August 30, 2006

1. Pavement - "Extradition," from Wowee Zowee

The Eighties had Reagan. The Nineties had Pavement. Now heaven has them both and the mortal world is stuck with Stephen Malkmus's solo stuff. I'm not necessarily saying I'd trade Malkmus if Reagan would agree to come back and front the band. But, well, I am saying that.

2. Rockstar - "King Tubby Meets Rockers Uptown," from GTA SA K-Jah West

Totally awesome rocking 100% thunderclap good time chief.

3. Salt n' Peppa - "Let's Talk About Sex," from Kerri's Music

I've always had a vast appreciation for the way this band's name confronts duality issues...

...but goddamn I have no clue as to how it got on my iPod. I imagine the answer lies with someone named "Kerri" and what she considers "music," and a certain friend of mine who must be friends with her and who made me a giant mix I never got around to listening to. I'm going to have my crew start checking the passenger lists for stow-aways.

It's like the time I came out of church and found a dead hooker in my car. No clue then, either.

4. Sound Dimension - "Granny Scratch Scratch," from 100% Dynamite

This song completes a ten-year project I've been working on to build a model that determines a songs awesomeness relative to the disgustingness of its title. I so wish they were talking about scratching records.

Gross.

5. Do Make Say Think - "Goodbye Enemy Airship," from Goodbye Enemy Airship

Junks been working long-ass days and weekends. Junk's just not up to it right now.

6. Kool Keith - "All the Time," from Black Elvis/Lost in Space

Just saw him for the first time last Thursday. First, he handed out porn to the audience. No joke. Second, he played 20 second bits from all his songs for 30 minutes and then, after 1/3 of the audience walked out, went back to totally crushing it.

Here's a lyric sample from the song:

Take that kid off your promo
I move like Marco
New York City think I'm Cuomo

7. The Sunburned Hand of the Man - "The Sunburned Hand of the Man," from Headdress

This is the one time Junk gives a free pass to hippies.

The one time.

8. Luscious Jackson - unnamed track from a compilation called You Can Dance

This is what I listen to when I wash my vagina. But seriously, I'm having flashback's to the Salt n' Peppa incident, but I know where this came from. Honestly, and I'm really not making this up, but I let down my firewalls a few months ago in order to enable a playlist sharing program called LastFM. Anyway, I woke up one morning to find some girl named Halli uploading a giant playlist onto my machine...it was like watching terrorists hijack the school bus your kids are on.

First, I want to thank Halli for the Bewitched soundtracked -- it's really fucking good -- and second, I want everyone to know that my firewalls are back up.

9. The Futureheads - "Danger of the Water," from The Futureheads Promo

LOCAL MUSIC MAGAZINE SUSPECTED IN TERROR ATTACKS

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- House lawmakers today unanimously passed a bill banning mediocre hipster bands from performing retarded a capella songs. The bill, simply known as "The Pitchfork Buster," was introduced in an emergency session following the attack of The Futureheads' latest promo release.

"It was just that fucking shitty," House Government Reform National Security, Emerging Threats and International Relations Subcommittee Chairman Christopher Shays (R-CT) told reporters late last night. "I mean, goddamn...who signed these guys? Al-Qaeda?"

While the intelligence community scrambles to find links between the terrorist organization and the Futureheads, the United States has already started sending troops to Williamsburg, Brooklyn. However, while bloodlust sweeps Washington, cooler heads are saying the real link is found in the editorial staff at Pitchfork, an extremist music magazine found in the neighborhood.

"Pitchfork has long preached a sermon glorifying lame confessional lyrics and cheap stunts like The Futureheads' stupid fucking a capella song," 2008 Presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton (D-NY) told reporters. Clinton, who heads a group of Senate Democrats focused on stopping the real threat, Pitchfork, and not just everyday hipsters, vowed to push the bill through the Senate by Friday.

"Seriously, a capella music?" she told a group of war veterans yesterday. "This is an attack on our way of life."

10. Handsome Boy Modeling School - "It's Like That," ft. Casual, from White People

The only time I listen to this album is when it comes up on my shufflelog, which is just about every week.

1 Comments:

Blogger Dr. Milton von F├╝nkdoctorspock said...

Milty is LOVING the fact that this Salt 'n Pepa appearance quickly kicked his Dave Matthews appearance to the curb so it can be more quickly forgotten. Thanks, Spinderella!

8:22 AM  

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