Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Dr. Milton von Fünkdoctorspock, August 30, 2006

The good doctor doesn't mean to brag, he doesn't mean to boast, he doesn't mean to imply he's intercontinental when he eats french toast, but it should be noted that his music 'Pod holds (and is, in fact, currently holding) 60 GB of 'sic. Which begs the following question:

If Milt's 'Pod was smaller, what would and would not make the cut?

Today's shufflelog will answer that question. Each song will be rated based on the smallest 'Pod the good doctor would include it on. Options include:

60 GB (15,000 songs), 30 GB, 4 GB Mini, 1 GB Nano, 512 kb Shuffle

1. The Streets – "Turn the Page," from Original Pirate Material

30 GB 'Pod: Milty grew up in Indiana, which means his finger wasn't exactly on the hip hop pulse, which means The Streets should feel proud to make a smaller 'Pod. Good job, Streets!

2. Pavement – "Passat Dream," from Brighten the Corners

30 GB 'Pod, and only because this album's fairly low on the Pavement totem pole. Smaller 'Pods kill catalogs, and the smallest prevent full albums unless you regularly rotate its contents, which no one wants to have to do.

3. Love – "Everybody's Got to Live," from How to Kill the DJ (Part 2)

Got damn this is eerie (specifically the song title) given Arthur Lee's recent leukemia diagnosis. Some writer-type up in these parts (these parts being NYC) went to 31 shows in 30 days for an article in The Village Voice. He said Robert Plant at the Arthur Lee benefit was the best act he saw that whole month. Good mix. 30 GB.

Speaking of DJ mixeration, check Girl Talk, people. It's approximately 714 songs spun into one.

4. Dave Matthews Band – "Granny," from Live at Luther College

Chip, Junk and Jimmy all highly recommended Dave to me. Sorry, guys. 7,000 MB 'Pod of the future (on shelves fall 2042 and the size of an acorn (also, it is shaped to look like an acorn for theft detterent reasons)).

5. Wu-Tang Clan – "Second Coming," from Forever

30 GB: Generally, Wu release date is directly proportion to 'Pod size worthiness. This toes the line. Weaker track from the 2LP blowout.

6. The Simpsons – "Two Dozen and One Greyhounds," from Songs in the Key of Springfield

60 GB: See, people? Sixty allows for sweet, sweet indulgences courtesy of Mr. Booooo-urns.

7. N.W.A. – "I Ain't Tha 1," from Straight Outta Compton

4 GB: Do you think Easy-E lost some of his "attitude" after he got the AIDS? Milt hopes so. He hates to think that talented young man died so young and so angry.

8. The Beatles – "Julia," from The White Album

1 GB: The White Album has always been Milt's coloured album of choice, which concerns him because it might mean he's racist, which isn't true. He only hates Mexicans of any color.

9. Nirvana – "Black and White Blues," from Outcesticide 4

60 GB: If I die early, promise you'll all scour my life's work and try to publish all of it. Even the limerick I wrote about spending time in Nantucket with my second grade teacher Mrs. Grangus. I meant every word of it.

10. Wu-Tang Clan – "Maria," from Forever

4 GB: This verse by ODB really speaks to the good doctor:

This is dedicated to all you bitches
Knew this bitch named Traj,
she had a hella fine assCandy-ass,
blew my hole in the past
Niggarette gave me gonorrhea
Pussy dick to the tippy toe like ballerina
Boy you shoulda seen her
She had a babyface creamer Purinas
Called up talkin Tina
I put my dick in a broom
She blew my head like a balloon
I had her walkin on the moon

Milt's dick is often in a broom. It feels nice... as long as you've got the right broom.


Blogger Jimmy Saffron said...

Well-executed. However, that Dave Matthews comment cannot stand.

1:30 PM  

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