Dr. Milton von Fünkdoctorspock - August 3, 2006
Milt’s baby’s mama’s mama never liked him. “Why you with that muthaflaka who bought dem cheap ol’ penile protectors that burst and gave you yo’ bastard child?” she used to ask my Jules. Milt never knew how to apologize, how to best use emoticons to express the hurt he felt every second of every day. Then came this song. Forever? Forever ever? Forever ever? Yes!
2. Wilco – “Don’t Fear the Reaper,” from Live at MSG
Oh, man, I had no idea Wilco did this song! Blue Oyster Cult, you thieving magpies! You disgust me, and no, thank you, I would not like to join your cult. Unless there are orgies. Miltie enjoys fornicating with a mask on. Some call it a fetish. Milt calls it puppy love.
3. Garbage – “Milk,” from Garbage
It’s amazing this album didn’t inspire producers from all fields to start doing that thing, instead of helping others do that thing. Imagine if corn (a.k.a. “maize”) farmers started actually cooking the corn. Magic, people, magic!
4. Be Your Own Pet – “Thresher’s Flail,” from Be Your Own Pet
Yeah Yeah Yeahs
5. Dizzee Rascal – “Cut ‘Em Off,” from Boy in Da Corner
This reminds me of that movie Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, because what day boy be saying ain’t no English I know.
6. The Arcade Fire – “Neighborhood #2 (Laika),” from Funeral
Laika (from Russian: Лайка, "Barker") was a Russian space dog that became the first living creature from Earth to enter orbit.
Laika, shown here in a harness, died from stress and overheating several hours after being launched into space.
Rest in peace, Barker. We miss you.
7. Coldplay – “Don’t Panic,” from Parachutes
You know how I know Chip’s gay? The blow jobs, baby. The five star bj’s.
8. Pearl Jam – “Whipping,” from Vitalogy
Did you know the slang term “cracker,” which refers to people of the Caucasian persuasion, isn’t an allusion to saltines, but rather speaks to Caucasians cracking their whips across the backs of their slaves? I’m happy to say the von Fünkdoctorspocks were no crackers! We treated our slaves with dignity and respect. Most* slept on straw beds.
9. Elliott Smith – “Independence Day,” from XO
Damn, I really don’t remember this from the movie. And I own it and have watched it approximately** 217 times. This was the song ES played at the Oscars, right? Can you imagine the jamming he’s doing with Kurt Cobain and Shannon Hoon right now? Magic, people, magic.
10. Angelo Badalamenti – “Audrey’s Dance,” from Twin Peaks
The song about the girl whose taters I can only assume inspired the show’s name. God bless you, Sherilyn. Boxing Helena: now there’s one time you didn’t want to think about what was outside the box.
* Approximately 55%.
** And by approximately I mean exactly. I keep a running diary of my ID viewages. Keeps me sane.