Dr. Milton von Fünkdoctorspock, September 11, 2006
Remember that first time you heard an Oasis song and didn’t hate it? Maybe you didn’t like it per se, or maybe you didn’t realize it was Oasis, or maybe you were 17 beers deep, roofied and in Britain, where they drugged you and made you karaoke “Wonderwall.”
I’m not saying which one I was. And I still don’t like Oasis. Or have any of their albums. But this is the Brit pop album that made me realize some Brit pop is tolerable. Even when not roofied.
2. The Beatles – “Your Mother Should Know,” from Anthology 2
Where you live, how to get in touch with you in case of emergency, your birthday, etc etc, but she shouldn’t necessarily know if you’ve been roofied. It would only make her worry.
3. Bruce Springsteen – “Out in the Street,” from The River
In the olden days, pioneer lore says a roofie was called a bear tranquilizer, and it could be administered from up to 300 yards away, making it a favorite of pioneering sexual predators.
4. Moby – “One of These Mornings,” from 18
This is Moby’s roofie protest album. The title represents the legal age of consent in most states (it’s still 7 in Utah—you can probably guess why).
5. Beck – “Boyz,” from a b-side thing
A Midnite Vultures era rarity. I needn’t tell you what the song title or album title mean. You’re not that naïve.
6. John Coltrane – “Mr P.C.,” from The Heavyweight Champion
John: You want to ride my Col-train, baby?
Baby: Not tonight.
John: At least let me buy you a drink.
Baby: Thanks, how nice of you.
7. Kings of Leon – “Day Old Blues,” from Aha Shake Heartbreak
The nice thing about being in a young, handsome rock band who likes to party is you never have to resort to roofies to take pictures of a naked lady. Which is why more parents should encourage their kids to start rock bands.
8. Sonic Youth – “No. II (Part 3),” from TV Shit
SY ponders why there are so few ads on TV denouncing the use of roofies. If we have ads for this is your brain on drugs, what about this is your brain on roofies? And there’s an egg. And the egg hatches. But the chick inside is unconscious. And in struts a rooster (a.k.a. “cock”)….
9. Smashing Pumpkins – “The Beginning is the End is the Beginning,” from The End is the Beginning is the End
I wrote an anti-roofie hip hop number. In it, the roofier works as a roofer. Not because I think roofers are roofiers, just because it had good flow. Real good flow.
10. Travis – “Dear Diary,” from The Invisible Band
As staunchly as I support ending all sexual violence, I always find the “Dear Diary” protest format a little hokey. But god bless ‘em for trying….