Dr. Milton von Fünkdoctorspock, October 2, 2006
How appropriate. Junk, Jimmy and Milty have a high school reunion forthcoming, and this album was in heavy rotation back when we owned the halls of NCHS. The good doctor won’t say which of us got a Helmet tattoo next to his loins, but it was Jimmy. Anxious to see which of our classmates have flamed out like Helmet did post Betty. They will be made fun of, as will most everyone else.
2. The Buggles – “Video Killed the Radio Star,” from Milt’s 80’s Cheese Rock Mix
As frightening as it is to think about what the DJ might pull out for us to relive the early to mid-nineties, god bless us for not HSing it in the eighties. Even though it was a later release, if “Hey Ya” isn’t played the reunion’s a wash. There, I said it, and it’s what we were all thinking.
3. Stereolab – “Jenny Ondioline,” from Transient Random-Noise Burts
At a reunion-like setting where one hasn’t seen people in a long time but in a roundabout way still knows them, it’s impossible not to ask one’s self the following question: “How many dances before I can appropriately ask to finger bang my partner on the dance floor?” The answer is, of course, three.*
* Unless the song is over 15 minutes long, in which case the answer is one, and in which case Milt will be requesting this Stereolab gem again and again and again.
4. Tool – “Pushit,” from Ænima
Milt doesn’t often make guarantees. Milt guarantees Tool’s “Pushit” is not played at his high school reunion. Salt ‘n Pepa’s maybe, but Tool’s? Negative.
5. Elvis Costello & the Attractions – “(What’s So Funny ‘Bout) Peace, Love and Understanding?”
Elvis is one of them folks who Milt hopes goes to all his high school reunions, because no way was he not a huge geek in high school, and no way is he not the coolest kid to graduate from his high school. Kind of reminds Milt of Milt….
6. Pearl Jam – “Come Back,” from Pearl Jam
No way does PJ go to their reunion. But if they did, Eddie Vedder could mos def finger bang the girl(s) of his choice on the first dance.
7. Elliott Smith – “Wouldn’t Mama Be Proud,” from Figure 8
Depression rate is inversely proportional to reunion attendance rate. Another no for Elliott, who by the by was one of the first artists the good doctor got into after high school, nicely representing the mellowification that occurred for him at that time.
8. Django Reinhardt – “I Got Rhythm,” from Swing from Paris
Django was totally that guy who was always noodling on his guitar, making all the other guys want to punch him because they thought he was just showing off for the ladies.
9. Seu Jorge – “Samba que nem Rita à Dora,” from Samba Esporte Fino
Milt saw him just last week filming something in Times Square. That is in no way related to high school reunions. You’re welcome.
10. Van Morrison – “Crazy Love,” from Moondance
Will there be a lot of slow dancing at this thing? High school dances had a disproportionate amount of slow dancing since those were the only dances guys had the balls to dance (i.e. finger bang) to. And do people wear name tags? It has been ten years. The good doctor will need to practice his sneaking-a-peak-at-a-nametag-without-making-it-look-like-he’s-sneaking-a-peak-at-a-nametag maneuver.