JIMMY SAFFRON - July 26, 2006

1. Springsteen, Bruce – “My Father’s House,” from Nebraska

How good is Nebraska? So good it could babysit your kids. So good it saved Superman’s life. So good it took away the sins of the world, leaving only one. That sin is not owning Nebraska.

2. The Rolling Stones – “Paint It, Black,” from Aftermath

This is the song that made “air sitar” a common sight at rock concerts.

I was recently introduced to a drink called “The Keith Richards.” It’s a double shot of Maker’s Mark mixed with beer.

3. Lady Sovereign – “A Little bit of Shhh,” from Vertically Challenged

I imagine this music to be wholly offensive to anyone over the age of 45. They simply wouldn’t understand how you could call it “music.” It’d be like you served them a plate piled high with shit and called it filet mignon.

That said, I like Lady Sovereign. From this, you can guess that I’m under 45. You can also guess that never, under any circumstances, would I eat my own shit. I don’t care what fancy name you slap on it.

In the interest of honesty, however, I will admit to occasionally enjoying the smell of my own farts.

(Bonus points to Reid and the Doc if they can tell me who I stole that line from).

4. Sound Defects – “Double Down,” from Sound Defects, Vol. 2

You can purchase this and other slabs of raw funkiness here. Proceeds go toward my next birthday present.

5. Cat Power – “The Moon” from The Greatest

Not to be confused with “The Streak,” a Ray Stevens classic. The Stevens track is about a streaker, and in between the chorus Stevens pretends to be a news reporter interviewing his victims at the scene. The joke is that the victim at all three scenes is the same hayseed married couple. Stevens does all the voices and, man oh man, is it a hoot.

Phew. I mean, it’s funny. “The Streak” that is. Not this song. Nothing funny here. No goofy names or silly voices. Like I said, no reason to confuse the two.

6. Gee, Marsha – “Peanut Duck,” from Girl Group Sounds Lost and Found (One Kiss Can Lead to Another)

This is one of those songs named after a dance, where the singer brags how everyone is doing said dance, then gives you a hint how to get started doing it yourself. Here’s a sampling of the lyrics:

Gee-gee-gee/gee-gee-gee/quack quack quack/da quackie/a geegie go go/sheegie/quaky/a gee gee/quacky

Proceed.

7. Springsteen, Bruce – “Reno,” from Devils & Dust

I can’t wait until I’m 42 and this is my favorite Springsteen song. Oh wait, yes I can.

8. Idaho – “Here To Go,” from Year After Year

I heard the state of Idaho requested permission to use this song as the theme for their yearly Potato Festival. Jeff Martin said no. Say what you want, dude’s got integrity.

Fun quiz time: Only 6 of 31 words used above have any connection to what we know as reality. Can you guess which ones?

9. Banhart, Devendra – “Santa Maria Da Feira,” from Cripple Crow

I really wish someone would translate this song’s lyrics into English. It sounds fun and sexy. Also I’m kind of hoping “lady-daddy-daddy” translates to “fuddy-duddy-duddy” in English.

Why? Because it’d be funny.

10. John, Elton – “Goodbye,” from Madman Across The Water

My life just got 45% more poignant, and this mix just got 65% more awesome. Scientists call this the “Madman Effect.” Shit is proven.

Dr. Milton von Fünkdoctorspock, July 17, 2006

1. De La Soul -- “It’s American,” from AOI: Bionix

First things first, I love the De La, think is Dead is one of the best albums (rap or regular) ever, and think the AOI albums are underrated.

On to business. Recently, Dr. von Fünkdoctorspock started a non-ethnic cleansing project for his ‘Pod. The object was to delete all the short, nothing, filler tracks artists think us idiotic consumers want to hear. Needless to say, hip hop skits were the first to go. No one was spared: not Outkast, not the Wu, and certainly not the most egregious offender of them all, Eminem (hey, knucklehead, what interest could I possible have in listening to your answering machine recordings?). Sorry, De La, but am I honestly to believe weed is still funny? Sorry, bud it’s not. Obviously I haven’t finished this epic project… yet.

2. The Darkness – “Givin’ Up,” from Permission to Land

I liked this album when it came out and listened to it a few times. Haven’t since and had no interest in their sophomore slump. I wonder what a band who pilfers classic hard rock would sound like if they had legs.

Wolf-fucking-mother!

Pretty much sums it up.

3. John Coltrane – “Giant Steps,” from The Heavyweight Champion

And people thought rappers started the whole toot-your-own-horn thing. Nice (and more importantly, apt) album title. There’s nothing worse than people who hype themselves, unless the hype is warranted, which is why Milty

a. thinks Kanye is a-okay

and

b. often says, “Dr. Milton von Fünkdoctorspock is like a Nobel Prize and a Pulitzer times fifteen!”

4. The Clash – “The Guns of Brixton,” from London Calling

I never much cared for the song “London Calling.” Still, Reid insisted I hear the album. “If you don’t like it,” he said, “my toothless cousin will service your business. If you do like it, your toothless cousin has to blow bubbles, bubbles being my member’s nickname.”

Would you believe my toothless cousin refuses to settle our bet? What a rocktacular album.

5. Bruce Springsteen – “Sinaloa Cowboys,” from The Ghost of Tom Joad

Is this really the same guy who made albums called Human Touch and Tunnel of Love? This one’s to be filed under “Springsteen-Good.”

6. Cat Power – “Speak For Me,” from You Are Free

On the one hand, I’d like to date her because she’s a hot rock star. On the other hand, supposedly her marble collection is occasionally lacking. But I ask you, “Aren’t all girls a little nuts in their own special way?” And that’s why we love them, right?

[Applause]

7. Guns N’Roses – “Pretty Tied Up,” from Use Your Illusion II

Explain to me how there hasn’t been an Axl Rose reality show yet.

In related news, I should be a network exec.

8. Rage Against the Machine – “Kick Out the Jams,” from Renegades

Some advice: if your band’s on its last legs, don’t release a covers album. If you have to ask why, it’s no surprise your band is breaking up.

Isn’t Audioslave audio-awful?

9. The Raveonettes – “You Say You Lie,” from Pretty in Black

The good doctor developed a live relativity rating defined as the ratio of the quality of a band’s album to the quality of its live show. The Raveonettes got the lowest score.

10. The Fiery Furnaces – “Rehearsing My Choir,” from Rehearsing My Choir

This is the second all-time best concept album about and featuring a brother and sister’s grandmother. The best? Milton and Sarah von Fünkdoctorspock’s Our Grandma’s Carpet Does Match Her Curtains: They’re Both Silk! It was about our grandma’s career in home decoration. It rocked.

Jimmy Saffron - July 11, 2006

Hope I didn’t break any rules by deleting my last post, but reading it over I realized I was being lazy and perhaps underselling the idea. That said, I’d like try again. So here is my second attempt at a “conceptual” In The Mix post making light of the passing of Kenneth Lay, disgraced former CEO of Enron corp.

Ken Lay, former CEO of Enron, died of a heart attack last Wednesday, just days before facing sentencing on charges of fraud and conspiracy. What follows are the last ten tracks played on his iPod.

The Devil Had a Hold of Me – Welch, Gillian, from “Hell Among The Yearlings”

Ken would get misty whenever this song came on. It took him back to his youth, growing up in Tyrone, Missouri. Ken’s father was a Baptist Preacher. He, too, spoke of the devil and his myriad traps, greed and pride chief among them.

9 counts of fraud and conspiracy later, Ken wondered why he didn’t listen more closely.

A Chicken With Its Head Cut Off – The Magnetic Fields, from “69 Loves Songs Vol. 1”

Ken enjoyed this band’s cheeky, yet confessional lyrics. They captured his feelings about love perfectly, that it made fools of men but could just as easily raise them up. Money can’t buy love, and if anyone knows that, it’s Ken. In 1999 alone, he made 42.5 million dollars.

(I Was Drunk At The) Pulpit – Palace Brothers, from “There is No-One What Will Take Care of You”

Ken always felt weird describing Will Oldham as “folk.” He just didn’t know how else to describe his music when recommending it. Ken didn’t know which was more difficult—selling someone on Will Oldham, or selling them worthless stock in a company that’s about to collapse and take their pension with it.

Just kidding. Ken knew perfectly well which was easier.

Lucky – Radiohead, from “OK Computer”

Ken remembered being told once that Enron was the “OK Computer” of energy companies. Though he knew it was meant as a compliment, he still found it unnerving. He would have preferred being the “The Bends” of energy companies. “The Bends” rocked.

Innocent When You Dream (Barroom) – Waits, Tom, from “Franks Wild Years”

You’re also innocent until proven guilty. At least that used to be the case in this country.

Shining Skinned Friend – The Juan Maclean, from “Less Than Human”

Ken kept his love of the Juan Maclean to himself. He hung out with a lot of corporate guy-guys who would never listen to any electronica. Jeff Skilling would definitely have called this “faggy.”

Wishful Thinking – Wilco, from “A Ghost is Born”

“What would we be without wishful thinking?” asks Jeff Tweedy. “Not on trial for our lives,” answered Ken Lay.

23 Minutes in Brussels – Luna, from “Penthouse”

Ken Lay wasn’t a Luna fan, but if he had been he’d know they played this song at every single one of their live shows, usually as an encore.

Bees – Animal Collective, From “Feels”

Ken Lay felt that AC’s debt to Mercury Rev was heaviest on this track. He’d keep this to himself however, realizing he was in no position to talk about “debts.”

Dinner at Eight – Wainwright, Rufus, from “Want One”

Again, not a word of this to Jeff Skilling.

Dr. Milton von Fünkdoctorspock, July 11, 2006

1. The Kinks, “Phenomenal Cat”

Since music discussions are more interesting when absolute, I won’t hesitate to call The Kinks the most underrated band of all time. You know how people talk about how Brian Wilson always aspired to rival the Beatles and came oh, so close? I would argue that much of The Kinks’ catalog reaches that pantheon. Talk about living in the shadows….

2. Smashing Pumpkins, “Blank Page (Live)”

Musically, the Adore tour is the best show I’ve ever seen, and this song (appropriately played as the encore) might have been the best. That album came alive live. They should’ve called that shit Frankenstein! This is nine minutes of crescendo, and crescendo was where the Pumpkins were Vikings.

3. The New Pornographers, “Testament to Youth in Verse”

More porn! This song has everything there is to like about pornos: surprising, catchy twists that make me want to jump out my chair, shake my hips, sing along and come in some poor young vixen’s face.

4. Radiohead, “No Surprises (Live)”

Speaking of absolutes, there is nary a band in the land with talent remotely approaching that of the ‘head’s. Better yet, the live show is jaw-droppingly up to task.

5. Belle & Sebastian, “Ease Your Feet in the Sea”

Who are Belle and Sebastian? There aren’t band members named that, right? Did you know that Coheed & Cambria are the names of the two main characters in the story the albums by the band of the same name tell? True. They’re also writing a book telling the story. I predict at some point Coheed and/or Cambria slay a dragon.

6. Frank Sinatra, “It Was a Very Good Year”

Can you comprehend how much ass Frankles got? If you can, you’re either:

a.) lying
or
b.) bedridden with disease

He was a superstar and he was mobbed up. Also, his songs are really great, which makes me okay with his success.

7. Wilco, “Spiders (Kidsmoke) (Live)”

It’s a veritable inthemixapalooza with all these live tracks. Another absolute: I am Trying to Break Your Heart is the best rockumentary of all time.

8. Reservoir Dogs Sdtrk, “Coconut”

What was the guy who sang this song doing drinking girl drinks? “The lime in the coconut”? No thanks, man, I’ll take a beer. Now watch this.

9. Calla, “Alacran”

When Pitchfork runs a Calla review, I never understand why it’s the fourth or fifth album listed and only gets a paragraph or two. Whack. Calla = truth.

10. Dizzee Rascal, “Seems 2 Be”

See last week’s entry. Did he really spell “to” with the number or is that someone’s squirrely CDDB interpretation? I’ll bet people with vanity license plates were more adept at text messaging than us normals when texting first splashed. “Sweet! I already know how 2 tlk lk tht! LOL!!!”

Dr. Milton von Fünkdoctorspock, 5Jul06

1. The New Pornographers, “Jackie”

Off the top of my head, the worst band name in decades. Where’s Anus the Menace when you need them? Sorry, that was a flagrant/cheap effort at starting this one with a light jab since I suspect Chip, Jimmy and Reid will all give thumbs down to New Porn. But fuck them. The New Porn is ear candy pop delight. Ilikeitalot.

2. Eminem, “The Kiss”

I have this great idea! On my next album, I’m going to include short interludes between songs. These interludes won’t be songs, but short, hypothetical skits that will tell people what my life is like while also entertaining them, which is what the people want.

Don’t count on it. Music philanthropists, I beg of you to donate to my new charity, Stop Hip Hop Skits Now Because They Are All Trite and Childish. Thank you.

3. “The John Larroquette Show Theme Song”

What a man, and what a show.

Ridonkeylious! I have got to delete these damn things. I’m not kidding when I say this sounds like a mentally handicapped person (not you, Chip) mumbling gibberish over a jazzy, Nightcourtish number. When John Larroquette asks his assistant (a.k.a. himself) to google himself this week, he’ll be disappointed to see it’s on “In the Mix,” but he brought that on himself.

Anyone know what Markie Post is up to???

4. The Who, “Courtroom Scene”

Because it’s a rock opera, this isn’t necessarily a skit per se. I propose an “In the Mix” exception in which skits can be excluded if and when they shuffle in. I can’t be held responsible for the lame indulgences of music stars.

If my trip hop album ever gets released, it will contain one skit whose sole purpose will be to rail against skits. Also, it will rhyme and be spoken rhythmically. I will call it a “song.”

5. Dizzee Rascal, “Hype Talk”

ODB was born to rap grime. Yet another regret for his premature passing. A day doesn’t go by that I don’t… I’m sorry, I can’t go on.

6. Spoon, “Merchants of Soul”

I can feel Chip hating on my ‘Pod. Thank gravy we don’t live in the same city anymore. I’m going to try to distract him with my favorite Jack Bauer line from last season: “The only reason you’re still conscious is because I don’t want to carry you.”

7. Unwound, “Corpse Pose”

A blessing from Reid. This song or band isn’t nearly as death metal as their names imply. In fact, “Corpse Pose” includes instructions on how to make your corpse as presentably pretty as possible. Some tips:

* Because your hair and fingernails continue to grow, you should cut them everyday, else they will grow grotesquely long. This is especially true for the hair growing out of moles.

* Don’t stop bathing daily just because you’re old, you never leave the house, and it’s difficult for you to step into the tub. Stop being so selfish. Stinkiness is plenty of reason to keep you out of your beloved heaven.

* When you’re old enough that no one cares how you look, get a boob job. It couldn’t hurt.

8. John Lennon, “Move Over Ms. L”

Is dude talking about Jimmy’s mom? Dude best cut that shizzle out unless dude wants to get sho—

Oh, right. Sorry.

9. The Jackson 5, “Mama’s Pearl”

Has anyone written a biography of Michael Jackson entitled Money Doesn’t Buy Happiness? Can I get dibs on that? The sequel will be Money Will Buy A Short-Lived Marriage to Lisa Marie Presley.

10. Gorillaz, “Dracula”

This has gotta be Milty’s whackest "In the Mix" shufflelog to date. It’s amazing how much better the 2nd Gorillaz album is than the 1st. Kind of like WWI v. WWII.